The Ballad of Lady Gaga


Friday, March 04, 2011

From the suits of raw meat to the Kermit-the-frog head coat, Lady Gaga’s performance-art wardrobe might be even better known than her pop hits. Studio 360's resident troubadour, Scott Blaszak, just wanted a date with Gaga. But then it got complicated.

"The Ballad of Lady Gaga" Lyrics

I was out in the Village one day
And a pretty little blonde crossed my way
I noticed something up with her clothes
I tipped my hat, she thumbed her nose
Said, What's your name?
She said, They call me Gaga

Got up my nerve, took her for a drink
Girl showed up looking like a circus freak
A cocktail dress of sawdust and grease
They threw her out for disrupting the peace
Strange gal
Still I kind of liked her though

A fluke, I figured, trying to make sense
But on date two she wore an electric fence
Just what's your deal, I said with a stare
She said, Oh I don't explain what I wear
That night I made it to second base
Got third-degree burns

Now I been with all kind of gal
From Dakota Badlands to the Appalachian Trail
I ain't picky but it's hard to swallow
When your date looks like the Guggenheim Bilbao
Over the next month she wore a full-body cast
Steering unit of a Buick
Vinyl siding
Jacket made of some kind of fish
Satellite dish
Rice dish
Hat made out of false teeth
Fake fur made out of real teeth
and a sundress made out of things I can't mention on the radio
That should have been a red flag right there

Wedding bells and phony smiles
Next thing I know I'm at the end of an aisle
The organ moaned, the crowd it gasped
At my bride-to-be wearing the corpse of Johnny Cash
I took off running, Gaga chasing
Till Johnny's head got caught in the gazebo

So I settled down with Suzie Clare
When she wants attention, she puts a bow in her hair
Gaga, I hope you're not too sore
It wasn't you, it was all that stuff you wore.
I miss you, I do
Like to give it another go but
You dress like there's something wrong in your head and it just creeps me out.


See the object of Scott Blaszak's affection in "Born This Way"

    Music Playlist
  • Born This Way
    Artist: Lady Gaga
    Album: Born This Way
    Label: Interscope
    Purchase: Amazon


Scott Blaszak

Comments [2]

James Dylan from Texas

gaga sucks! why would you waste your talent writing for someone who plainly sucks? P.s. popularity contests mean nothing...that especially includes the grammy's!!!!!!!!!!! Todays music sucks! The rare ones are of course the old ones- Dylan rocks!!!

Mar. 06 2011 10:46 PM
Marvin L Quammen from Philadelphia, PA

how does one find out if he is a zombie or an amazon, creep? I enjoyed it immensely, unfortunately I'm the wrong gender to become a queen; so I guess I'll have to settle for being a prince.

Mar. 05 2011 08:45 AM

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